you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
