a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I want is dick and wine.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize