fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just threw up on my dentist
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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