It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
