i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
