Pants 0. Shit 1.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
