how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Can you bring me the toilet please
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
