I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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