MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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