I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize