I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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