my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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