Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
