At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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