he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
