First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
