My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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