Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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