after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
