Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
