i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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