dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
