You're a womanizer and a bitch.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
