I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
