Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
