I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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