You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
