Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
