is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize