Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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