Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
