Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
