oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
