The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I want her autograph on my taint
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
my poor anus
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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