so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
