I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize