so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
