Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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