drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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