Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
