I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
