it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
