weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
