Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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