nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
