A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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