you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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