hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
