we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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