New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
