The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
