I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They took my balls.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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