I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
