they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
