they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
