you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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