Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
