Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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