My friends, they love my intelligence
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
