fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The adults are the big ones right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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