I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
