Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize