I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
