Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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