found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
