the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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