Plan B is the new Plan A
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
