so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
