Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
