Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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