I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
