piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
