Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
