Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
