I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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