There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
