remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
